Try to imagine, commandliners, what the world might be like without your .bash_history file? Imagine what it would be like to have to type out, in full, each command at the terminal? Having to remember all the iterations of different compilation settings, or the ip address of the server you just ssh’d into? Perish the thought. PERISH IT!

Who is responsible for this? This most simple and lovely command-line utility? Who did this for all of us, this thing so transparent as to feel like a timeless, command-line axiom. Something that merely was, and has always been, like gravity.

Cursory searches to determine the author of the .bash_history file/function in bash turned up nothing. As to whether it predates bash as a function in sh, or if it was an original idea of striking nerd and author of bash Brian Fox remains uncertain. I turned to the only other source I know for accurate information about linux matters.

#bash@irc.freenode.net transcript - 2.6.11 PST:

13:30 <charlie> here's one for you, fair internet
13:30 <charlie> who invented the .bash_history file?
13:30 <charlie> what era did that enter into bash, and who scripted it
13:30 <ProfOak_> http://pastebin.com/5ZCRrf7z I'm trying to test out a
             piping a function, by printing to screen (redundant I
             know) whenever there's a period in the server.log
             file. How do I fix my code?
13:30 <e36freak> !nopaste > ProfOak_
13:30 <greybot> ProfOak_: Please don't waste our time by making us go
            to a pastebin just for a five-line snippet. Paste it
            in the channel. If you have a larger script that's
            showing problems, trim it down to the bare minimum
            size that still shows the problem. You'll probably fix
            it yourself once you do that.

As you can see, my question was ignored, but what’s all this then!? An angry nerd wrote some shorthand script that told a bot to tell a noob how to properly post questions to this IRC channel! Welcome to the path not taken. This is going on ALL THE TIME on the secret, back-alleys of the internet. Nerds are telling robots to tell other people to behave differently, so that they don’t have to be bothered. Soon they’ll script themselves right out of existence.

This will be my first of many short journeys into the lurking, roiling electrogram system known as IRC. And next time, I will reveal who I suspect to be the true author of the bash history. Happy Superbowl Sunday! Be sure to tell me who wins.